Announcer: Someone, somewhere, out there…

Farley:  Is probably waiting for something.

Announcer: …is ready to “Do This Thing”.

Farley: This, that, and the other things, you get the idea.

Announcer: Now… The moment you’ve been waiting for…

Farley: Or not, we can’t read your mind people.

Announcer: It’s time…

Farley: In just a little bit.

Announcer: For the “Let’s Do This Thing” collaboration!

Farley: Yeah, it consists of crap from the minds of four! Enjoy!

“Let’s Do This Thing!”

Farley: Alright guys, we need something to do, something with a little edge. Just a tiny edge so that if people accidently bump into it, they won’t be like “Ow, I just bumped into that edge.”

Skysurfer: Are you suggesting an ODW.

Farley: Yep.

Xaber: But those don’t just grow on trees!

Kazufox: I beg to differ. I’ve seen plenty of ODW trees.

Skysurfer: But now, they are becoming extinct, due to rain forest removal and careless bulldozer-ing…ness. We need your help to-

Xaber: Are you quoting a “Save the Wildlife” commercial again?

Skysurfer: Yes…sorry. I’ll be good now…

Kazufox: Maybe we should just wait for a celebrity to show up, then go from there.

All sit in silence and wait for something to happen.

Farley: This is stupid.

Kazufox: I thought that would work, when I’m conducting an interview, they practically flood into the room.

Xaber: Not to mention the free beer does as well.

Skysurfer: None of us are old enough to drink.

Xaber: Oh… Yeah… None of us…

Farley: Come on! This is stupid! We need a—

Kazufox: Oh my god! It’s the killer mime!

Killer Mime: Mimes

Xaber: Hmm… I’m bored…

Sees an abandoned (well, to be fair, parked) Arwing and steals it.

Xaber: Now it’s time for some fun.

The Arwing turns into a Walker.

Xaber: Hm…don't know how this thing works. I guess I’ll just press some buttons to see what they do!

The walker starts walking in circles.

Xaber: Shoot. The steering is stuck.

The walker nearly steps on Farley.

Farley: Look out you maniac.

Xaber: Sorry!

Xaber's walker steps on the mime.

Xaber: Sorry again!

Mime: I don't want to be a burden.

Farley: Too late for that, now we have to clean you up!

Mime: Moans

Steve: HEY!! You're a mime! You're not supposed to talk!

Mime: Oops…

Steve: That means the REAL Killer Mime is out there somewhere…doing his evil mime stuff.

----
Meanwhile…
----

Killer Mime: Uh…yeah, I do want the bag of chips, that's why I put in the freakin' cart!

Cashier: But sir, the bag of chips is not even an item. We're a fish shop, full of fish.

Salesman: The finest fish you'll ever see! Strikes a pose

Killer Mime: What? Are you stupid or something?

Cashier: Yes, but sir, the bag of chips is not even an item. We're a fish shop, full of fish.

Salesman: The finest fish you'll ever see! Strikes a pose

Killer Mime: If that's true, then I'll have to kill you…

Cashier: But sir, the bag of chips is not even an item. We're a fish shop, full of fish.

Salesman: The finest fish you'll ever see! Strikes a pose

----
A few minutes later…
----

Passerby: Hey, we're did the fish shop go?

Almost-dead Salesman: The finest fish you'll ever see! Strikes a pose

The Salesman dies and everyone cheers.

Sword Master Xaber: I seek fish. What calamity has destroyed the fish seller’s?

Turns and sees the Killer Mime.

Sword Master Xaber: Now you shall die.

Draws a Brave Sword in one hand and a Killer Edge in the other. Through sheer luck, the Sword Master Xaber lands 8 critical hits on the mime.

Sword Master Xaber: I must now seek fish elsewhere.

As he departs, it begins to snow red flakes… They are pieces of the mime.

----
Meanwhile…in Long John Silvers (which is a seafood restaurant)…
----

Customer: I would like the SEE FOOD platter.

Cashier: I've already told you this about five hundred seventy-two and a half times sir, there is no SEE FOOD platter.

Customer: But you're a SEE FOOD restaurant!

Cashier: Not SEE FOOD, seafood.

Customer: Oh, what a bummer…

CRASH!

Everyone looks over to see the Sword Master Xaber at the door, and a truck that drove through the restaurant’s main door right next to him.

Sword Master Xaber: What idiot drove a truck through the front entrance of a restaurant? I spend half a day walking to get fish and some lunatic nearly hits me.

Xaber walks over to the nearest waiter.

Sword Master Xaber: I'm terribly sorry, but would it be possible to purchase anchovies.

Waiter: What? Oh, uh, yeah, sure. Just wait one moment.

The waiter runs off.

Sword Master Xaber: Why does my name say Sword Master? I'm still Xaber… Strange.

Farley falls out of the truck.

Sword Master Xaber: Farley? Why are you here?

Farley: Huh? Oh…don't know. I was doing something in the middle of the road, probably something like rain dancing…

Sword Master Xaber: Again?

Farley: Yeah, and this HUGE truck come out of nowhere and hits me!

Sword Master Xaber: You're still alive?

Farley: Yeah, all that' to this cushioning the blow. *Farley pulls out the Bible.*

Preacher: That's why we pray.

Chorus: Hallelujah!

Sword Master Xaber: What was that?

Farley: Don't know, that happens everytime I pull this Bible out. Anyway, I still don't know who hit me…

Sword Master Xaber: Who cares? I'm getting me some fish!

Farley: OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! FISH!!!! YEAH!!!

Xaber then sees the cashier running down the street with all the fish that was in the restaurant.

Sword Master Xaber: That man has my anchovies!

The cashier pulls out an axe and the area turns into a Fire Emblem battlefield.

Farley: If you’re a sword master and he's a bandit, what am I?

Sword Master Xaber: Unarmed!

Xaber runs beside the bandit/cashier and attacks.

Farley: OMG!

Preacher: That's why we pray.

Chorus: Hallelujah!

There is no sign of the bandit; there is only Xaber, his bloody sword and his bag of anchovies.

Farley: Cool! I didn't have to do anything!

Xaber: Then you get none of this!

Xaber smacks Farley unconscious with the bag of anchovies.

Inner Farley: Whoa, this place is dark. Like where I live, the doghouse. Heh… Heh… That was stupid…

Xaber: Farley, wake up. We are leaving.

Farley: I'm a dog.

Xaber: We know that already, now wake up.

Farley: I'm fluffy.

Xaber: All right then.

Xaber grabs Farley.

Xaber: Why do you get to be unconscious? You're the heavy one.

Xaber drags Farley to the nearest bench.

Xaber: Finally I can eat my anchovies.

A flock of birds descends upon Farley and Xaber, flying away with his bag of anchovies.

Xaber: NO!!!! Now life has no meaning!!!

Farley: I'm a boy.

----
Meanwhile…(for the third time…)
----

Inner Farley: Geez, could someone, like, install a light fixture or a lamp in here. This is almost as ridiculous as going to Disney World. Crash Oh, that's real nice, because of someone's laziness, I broke something.

----

Xaber grabs Farley with a burst of super-human strength and throws him at the bird. However, as Xaber is not super powered, Farley flies roughly six feet into a tree. Xaber then gets the bright idea to summon his ship.

Xaber: Farley, are you all right?

Farley: Mommy, I don't want to be a pilot. I want to be a farmer.

Xaber: He really needs to watch where he is going.

The Kitsunetsuki lands, Xaber drags Farl into the craft, and takes of towards the nearest fresh food store.

Xaber: Geez, this is stupid, I could have sworn there were about three fresh food stores around here.

Xaber lands, and proceeds to start dragging Farley for the fun of it.

Farley: There's two, not three. Can't you count?

Xaber: Hey, you're supposed to be unconscious.

Farley: Noted.

Xaber continues dragging Farley until a T.V. screen placed behind show glass catches his eye.

T.V.: Come here.

Xaber does so.

T.V.: Closer, closer…

Xaber hits the glass.

T.V.: Sucker!

Xaber: Why you no good 42" Plasma T.V.! I'm gonna— *Xaber stops when he notices everyone is watching him threaten the T.V.* Uh…

T.V. (News Anchor Bob): And in other news, there has been a wave of new games flooding in from Japan!

T.V. (News Anchor Jen): His obviously overused imagination is right people! Japan brings you Star Ox: Asphalt, Tire Emblem: The Sacred Rimes, Advance Pores: Clean out That Acne!, and Perfect Steak: We Cook ‘til it’s Done.

Xaber: What the—?!

Xaber stabs a tanto through the glass, breaking the TV.

Xaber: Farley, why did you do that?

Farley: I did—

Xaber: My point exactly. Now let's go find ANCHOVIES!

Everyone flees in terror.

Xaber: Why did they do that?

Voice: The power Rangers are here to rescue you, TIVO!

Xaber: Right…

Power Ranger Red: Surrender yourself villain or we will engage in terribly cheap combat!

Power Ranger Blue: And everyone knows, cheap combat is our specialty!

The Power Rangers pull out cardboard cutouts of weapons of mass destruction with crudely drawn smiley faces on each one.

Xaber: Here we go…

Farley: I guess I'm not unconscious now.

Xaber: So are you gonna be useful?

Farley: No, but I will provide excellent background music.

Farley pulls out his infamous guitar with the ever-changing name and gets ready to play.

Xaber: Just because you can be cheap does not guarantee your victory. I can be cheap as well.

Xaber draws two Killing Edges.

Xaber: See cheap. Dual wielding Fire Emblem weapons. I now have a 100% critical hit chance (40 base plus 30 per sword).

Xaber teleports behind red Ranger.

Xaber: Fear my Fire Emblem math. Then do the conversion!

Xaber attacks the red Ranger, dealing (49 - Ranger's defense)x3 (crit hit) x2 (speed bonus). Farley is off in the background, buying an ice cream cone from an Ice Cream Man in his Ice Cream truck.

Farley: One chocolate, please.

Ice Cream Man: Okay sir, here you go… Hey… Wait a minute… You're a dog. You'll die if you eat this.

Farley: No, I just get really bad stomach cramps, I am part human, you know.

Ice Cream Man: Sorry, but you know that logic doesn't work in this crazy world. Points to a sign that says "The Logical World of Illogical Logic".

Farley: I guess you're right, I should— Farley grabs the ice cream and makes a mad dash away.

Ice Cream Man: HEY! GET BACK HERE!

The Ice Cream Man jumps into the driver's seat and puts all his force upon the gas pedal.

----
Meanwhile…
----

Xaber: If you add 40 + 30 x 2, it equals 100!

Power Ranger Red: Nuh-uh! That's Fire Emblem logic, it doesn't work here! Points to the sign previously mentioned.

Xaber: How did that sign get here if it was mentioned in the last scene?

Voice: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

Xaber: That doesn't answer my question.

Xaber turns to see Farley getting chased by the Ice Cream Truck, and begins to follow his example in doing so, while the Power Rangers get ran over.

Xaber: WHAT IN THE SEVEN CIRCLES OF HELL DID YOU DO?!?!

Farley: Uh… Gasps for breath Nothing…

Xaber: Draws his sword and walks over to the ice cream truck It is illogical to expect death if you do not hand over your truck.

Ice Cream Man: Your point?

Xaber points at aforementioned sign.

Xaber: My point.

Ice Cream Man: Oh… Damn it.

Xaber: Farley, get in.

Farley: Okay.

Farley climbs into the back of the truck.

Xaber: While your back there, could you pass me a cone of Tiger Tail?

Farley: just so you know, I'm in the back of THIS truck.

Xaber: I know, just hurry—

Farley: VANILLA ICE?!?! I thought this was an ice cream truck!

Vanilla Ice: You thought wrong yo. Word.

KA-BOOM!

Team Rocket: Team Rocket is blasting of again!

Xaber: Farley, what blew up? And where is my ice cream?

Farley: Well… There is no Tiger Tail.

Xaber: But how? That is logical. I thought that this place was illogical. I need Tiger Tail!

Farley: Hey, look! An ice cream manufacturer!

Xaber: Invasion!

Farley: What? Where?

Xaber: Us! We're invading!

Farley: Why?

Xaber: I want my Tiger Tail!

Xaber takes out his rifle and shoots the door down.

Farley: What is that thing?

Xaber: It was a birthday gift.

Farley: …

Xaber: MOVE OUT!

Farley: You don't have to yell.

Xaber: Sorry. Let's get the ice cream!

Farley and Xaber run into the ice cream factory and stumble upon an employee.

Employee: Hello, sir or madam.

Farley: What? You can't tell?

Employee: Fine, MADAM.

Farley: …

Employee: What can I get you two by providing excellent service?

Xaber: We would like— Cuts his sentence short and knocks out the employee with the butt of his gun

Farley: Xaber.

Xaber: Yes, Farley?

Farley: Why did you do that?

Xaber: Dunno.

Farley: You do know that since we knocked out their employee, this is gonna be a lot harder than it should've been, right?

Xaber: Uh… Of course. We'll just have to get a disguise…

Xaber sees two ice cream men walk out of the main corridor door.

Xaber: Nah, dressing up as Ice Cream Men will never work. It's too obvious…

Xaber then sees two Mexican Hat Dancers performing out by the road.

Xaber: JACKPOT!

Xaber: Okay. Farley, you go out there and mug the Mexican Hat Dancers. When you get back, I will be in disguise.

Farley runs off and quickly fells the two hat dancers with his guitar. Although many people are watching, he drags them into a phone booth, and is seen shortly, reemerging in full regalia. He then returns to the factory where he quickly finds a rifle pointed into his spine.

Xaber: So far so good. Now, pretend you have been caught trespassing, and I'm on my way to throw you into the brig.

Farley: Where did you get your disguise?

Xaber: I always keep a few spares.

Xaber proceeds to direct Farley down several corridors, eventually arriving at the core of the factory.

Xaber: So far so good.

Farley: Shouldn't we be "Doing this Thing", like the title implies?

Xaber: Yes.

Intercom: SECURITY BREECH! SECURITY BREECH!

Farley: You spelled that wrong.

Intercom: Shut the hell up.

Xaber: Quick! We need to do something, but not right away.

Farley: Alright. Screw it then.

Just then, Kazufox runs bye with ice cream all over his mouth and three guards chasing him.

Kazufox: I Swear! I didn't eat any!

Guard: Then what's that stuff on your face?

Kazufox: Um… Uranium!

Guard: Makes sense.

The guards walk away.

Farley: Hmm…weird. Let's continue now.

Xaber: So, Farl, where do we go from here?

Farley: I thought you knew what you were doing.

Xaber: Who me? Okay fine. Let's do this then.

Xaber runs down the hall shooting the guards.

Xaber: Move it!

Farley: You just shot them.

Xaber: And they'll wake up in half an hour. Quick, into this conveniently placed golf cart!

Farley: What about the others?

Xaber: Good point.

Xaber reaches out of the cart and grabs Kazufox.

Xaber: Good. Let's go now.

Kazufox: Where are we going?

Xaber: Never mind that. Let's just go!

Farley, Xaber and Kazufox jump into the golf cart.

Farley: Hey, how come you get to drive?

Xaber: Because I found the cart.

The three drive away while being cased by guards in similar golf carts.

Farley: This isn't good.

Kazufox: Hey what's in this box?

Farley: Snake?

The box contains several explosive materials.

Xaber: Dump it. We could use the explosion to get away.

Kazufox: I've got a better idea. If we combine these materials then we could somehow create a new rocket fuel to get away AND get a lot of money for finding a new source of fuel!

Farley: Are you sure about this?

Kazufox: Yeah, I've been trained by an alchemist. I know what I'm doing. Uh oh.

Xaber: I would appreciate it if any dire threats waited until after I have found my ice cream before disrupting my driving.

Farley: I don't think it's going to stop them.

Kazufox: I have a brilliant idea.

Xaber: Please tell me it does not involve throwing clothing at them.

Kazufox: Give me a minute then.

Xaber viciously swerves, sideswiping a guard.

Xaber: Kazu, would you happen to have a plasma cannon or something?

Kazufox: No, but I have an equally powerful weapon.

Xaber: What is it?

Farley: No! My eyes! They burn!

Kazufox: Don't look into the light.

Farley: But it's green.

Xaber: Is that my laser pointer?

Kazufox: Laser pointer?

Xaber: Yes, laser pointer. It has a range of 150 miles.

Farley: What do you use a laser pointer like that for?

Xaber: Lighting stuff on fire, cutting, engraving, star pointing…

Farley: Why have we stopped?

Xaber: We pulled over to talk. The guards passed us a while ago.

Farley: Then what are those?

Xaber: Your cue to start burning stuff.

Xaber puts on a pair of green (492nm) sunglasses.

Xaber: Oh, here's my laser pointer.

Xaber attaches the laser to the front of the golf cart and passes his rifle to Farley.

Xaber: You're riding shotgun, so here's the gun. Get shooting.

A large tub of tiger tail ice cream lands in the cart.

Xaber: I don't know if this is good or bad…

The cart swerves by the main corridor and circles, then swerves by again.

Farley: What the—? Xaber, don't you know how to drive?

Xaber: Yeah, and I was doing fine a minute ago too.

Farley: So what happened?

Xaber: Kazufox fell out of the cart, so I'm trying to get him back in.

Kazufox: STOP TRYING TO HIT ME!!!

Xaber: I do believe this is taking us nowhere, so…

Xaber steps on the gas and smashes the cart into Kazufox, who falls in upside-down.

Kazufox: Hey! There's some gum on the floor here! I wonder what flavor it is…

Xaber: Kazufox, we don't have time for this!

Kazufox: Eww… Strawberry…

Xaber: Dear lord… Farley! Stop shooting the wall!

Farley: But this is amazing, the bullets actually bounce off it!

Xaber then speeds off and the main corridor comes into view again.

Kazufox: Whoo-hoo! We're almost there!

Xaber: Farley, where did you get the bullets? I only ask cause it's a laser rifle.

Farley: A laser rifle?

Xaber: Yeah. I emptied the bullets out a week ago. I didn't want to waste them.

Kazufox: Guards on the left!

Xaber: There's nothing but wall on the left.

Kazufox: Sorry. Right.

Xaber: Right about what?

Farley: Guards!

Xaber: What are you two talking about?

Kazufox: The guards are on the right!

Xaber: Why didn't you say so?

Farley: I thought we did.

Xaber: Don't just talk, shoot them!

Farley: I'm out of bullets.

Xaber: It's a laser rifle. Shoot them with it.

Farley shoots a brilliant pink beam at the guards.

Xaber: Farley, turn the Gender Bender off.

Farley: How?

Xaber: Just give it to me.

Xaber snatches the rifle and starts fiddling with it.

Xaber: This should work now.

Farley: That's good and all, but why not watch where you are going?

Xaber: I am.

A guard runs out in front of the cart, getting hit and landing upside down beside Kazufox.

Xaber: Why doesn't this hall end?

Kazufox: Does anything ever end?

Guard: What am I doing here?

Kazufox: Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Farley: Hey Xaber, keep the cart steady. Fires but misses the guards and hits ice cream reactor instead

Xaber: Now look at what you've done!

Farley: I said to keep it steady.

Computer: Next Ice Age Meltdown in 10 seconds…

Farley then notices that Xaber has been slightly turning the cart for some time now.

Farley: Uh… I think I know why this hallway never ends.

Xaber: Why?

Farley: Because the hallway's a flat spherical object… What do you call those?

Kazufox: Let's play tick-tack-toe guard man.

Guard: My name's Gordo.

Kazufox: In Spanish, that means fat! But that's beside the point, which is that I call X's!

Gordo: Damn it! Now I'm stuck with the circles!

Farley: That's it! They were squares!

Xaber: Wha—? No! They're called—

The ice cream reactor explodes.

As the reactor detonated, Xaber pulled a sharp turn to the left, away from the detonation. The tunnel was rapidly ending, and a light could be seen ahead.

Gordo: Don't go into the light.

Xaber: Why not?

Suddenly the hall ends, and the cart flies out over a cliff, molten ice cream pouring down behind them.

Gordo: That was why.

Farley: Are we going to die?

Xaber: Never. We shall fly away.

Kazufox: How are we supposed to do that?

Xaber: Jump!

Xaber launches himself out of the cart, clutching the tiger tail ice cream tightly.

Gordo: Well, that was stupid.

Xaber: I beg your pardon.

The Kitsunetsuki rises alongside the falling cart.

Xaber: Quickly every one! Get on or plummet to your death!

Xaber gets into the Kistunetsuki and turns to see the others.

Kazufox: And a one, and a two, and a one, three, four, six!

Kazufox and Farley begin dancing while Gordo tries to fly to the ship.

Xaber: GUYS!

Farley: What? Is this an inappropriate moment to do this?

Xaber: I'd say.

Kazufox: Oh, since you're older, we'll believe you.

Xaber: Really?

Both: No.

They continue dancing.

Xaber: I must warn you, that as no one other than I is qualified to pilot this ship, it may be wise to let me do so.

The others mumble a bit of nonsense before allowing Xaber to approach the main core section of the starfighter.

Xaber: Thank'ee kindly.

Kazufox: What did you say?

Xaber: Thank you very much.

Kazufox: Oh. Okay.

Xaber enters the cockpit. Suddenly, the radar and corresponding display in his helmet flash a warning.

Xaber: Grab on tight. We have enemy fighters approaching from 5, 6 and 10 o'clock, and tanks from 2.

Farley: Those are tanks? They look like large boxes with wings taped to them.

Tanker: Full speed ahead!

Driver: We can only go five miles per hour, and you're not a sea captain.

Tanker: Alright then, five miles per hour ahead!

Driver: Yes sir…

Kazufox: What about the ships, are they a threat?

Xaber: Oh, I have mistaken a bunch of school children for ships. That could've been messy…

Farley: Yeah, those school kids would've ripped us apart.

Xaber: That's not what I meant.

Kazufox: Doesn't matter, there's a new threat on the radar.

Xaber: What is it?

Farley: Uh… Kazufox, did you program this thing to play Tetris?

Kazufox: Yes, why?

Farley: Cause falling blocks are the threats.

Kazufox: Oh, maybe that's why. But how do you explain that?

Kazufox points upward towards a large tetris block heading straight for the Kitsunetsuki.

Farley: HOLY CRAP!!!

Xaber: Hang on tight or this will get messy. And by messy, I mean your guts on the ground.

Gordo: What's going on?

Kazufox: We're playing Tetris with our lives!

Farley: Why is this happening?

Xaber: Because those infidels want to stop me from getting my tiger tail.

Gordo: What infidels?

Xaber: Those that do not believe in the divine quintet of ice cream.

Wolf: Flying alongside What the heck!?

Xaber: The divine quintet of Green Tea ice cream, Red Bean ice cream, Wasabi ice cream, Ginger ice cream and Tiger Tail ice cream. Oh and by the way Kazu, it was Wolf's radar you programmed to play Tetris.

Wolf: What!?

Wolf is suddenly hit by an L block.

Xaber: It's a shame. He nearly got a high score, too.

Xaber and party see a red Land Stalker below.

Xaber: What the heck is that thing?

Farley: It looks like a four-legged spider…With guns.

The land stalker starts leaping up on the blocks until it attaches itself to the Kitsunetsuki via hugging. The starfighter and Land Stalker plummet to the ground.

Everyone: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Xaber: Convenient upgrades are convenient.

The ship hops into space.

Xaber: You see?

Turning around, Xaber notices the others can't breath outside the ship.

Xaber: Oh… I forgot about that. One sec.

Xaber skims the surface of a nearby asteroid, neatly removing the Land Stalker.

Xaber: Now, what did I want to do again?

Xaber turns around and sees the others.

Xaber: Oh… Yeah.

Xaber hits a few buttons and the ship returns to the atmosphere.

Xaber: That was fun.

The Land Stalker looks around franticly.

Skysurfer: Well… At least there are no blocks….

An L block flies at Skysurfer’s vehicle. The Land Stalker fires its mortars destroying the L block.

Skysurfer: Why didn't I do that before? Well… Looks like I have no way back… Except…

Skysurfer presses the upgrade button and all of a sudden the Land Stalker is teleported to the place below Xaber's ship.

Skysurfer: Whoa… Weird… Looks up Hi Xaber!

Farley: Hi Skysurfer!

Skysurfer: I believe I was talking to Xaber.

Farley: Well I don't.

Skysurfer: Move out of the way.

Farley: Fine… I see how it is…

Farley moves and starts playing emo music with his guitar in the corner.

Skysurfer: As I was saying, hello…

Skysurfer looks inside the window around for Xaber.

Kazufox: Pops up in front of Skysurfer Peek-a-boo!

Skysurfer: DEAR GOD!

Kazufox: Hah! I scared you!

Skysurfer: No you didn't. I'm screaming at that. Points

Kazufox looks behind himself to see that Xaber has left his seat.

Kazufox: Wait… Why should you be yelling? You're not in the ship.

Skysurfer: Correct, but I'm connected to it and the controls are jammed, isn't that swell? We're gonna die in the middle of a lethal Tetris game!

Farley: Figures… I knew I wasn't gonna have a cool death…

Kazufox: Like what?

Farley: Like being crushed by a bomb that explodes and takes out half the world.

Kazufox: Yeah, that would be cool!

Xaber: Both of you shut up! I'm trying to eat my ice cream.

Skysurfer: Shouldn't you be flying the ship?

Xaber: It's on autopilot, now let me eat my ice cream.

Farley: Oh, that’s—

Xaber: GOOD ICE CREAM!!!

Farley: … That's cool.

Skysurfer: Hey… Wait… We could do this!

Sky charges up the mortars and fires, destroying many blocks.

Farley Grey: Brilliant!

Skysurfer: Why thank you, I—

Farley: How can you swallow all of that ice cream at once Gordo?

Xaber: Hog. It's my ice cream…

Skysurfer: … Walks away

Gordo: I just pretend I'm a dolphin.

Xaber: But that doesn't make sense.

Kazufox: Are you questioning Gordo?

Farley: Never question Gordo, Xaber. Never question Gordo…

Kazufox: Nev-ER!

Xaber: …Okay…

Kazufox: Pulls out SP and plays Tetris Hmm.

Farley: What is it?

Kazufox: For some reason the blocks changed.

Xaber: What do you mean by that?

Kazufox: See for yourself. Points

The blocks turn into Megavitamins.

Farley: It's Dr. Mario!

Dr. Mario: It's-a me-a Dr. Mario!

Xaber: I've got this, watch my ice cream.

Kazufox: Dances on DDR machine Everyone! Dance! Dance for your lives! It's the only way we can beat him!

Everyone starts playing DDR creating viruses that block the pills.

Kazufox: Watch out for the blue ones!

Xaber: Why?

Kazufox: Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Skysurfer mortars Dr. Mario.

Dr. Mario: AHH!! MORTARS HURT!! dies

Skysurfer: That problem's out of the way… Now for a treat…

Skysurfer steals banana-flavored ice cream and teleports away in his Land Stalker.

Xaber: I've never played DDR before… Anyway I need to pilot my ship.

Farley: But weren't you eating ice cream?

Xaber: Not again!

Xaber shoots his clone.

Xaber: I have got to stop practicing my jutsu while working. By the way… HI SKY! I didn't know it was you. Sorry.

Gordo: Muahahaha!

Xaber: Gordo, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Gordo: What are you going to do?

Xaber: I'm just going to pilot my ship, which no one else is in, do to a lack of room. I recommend that you guys find some other form of transportation, because I want to dodge enemy fire.

Kazufox: What enemy fire?

Giant blue pills are seen trailing the Kitsunetsuki and Land Stalker.

The Land Stalker is dodging left and right.

Skysurfer over the comm.: I have an idea… Watch this…

The Land Stalker starts galloping and shoots past the starfighter, blue pills trailing it.

Skysurfer: Shoot them now!

Xaber fires on the pills. They explode in a brilliant orange light.

Xaber: Now, I must terminate you for disrupting my repast. Snow clone jutsu!

Skysurfer is hit by a hundred falling snow cones.

Xaber: This works too, I guess.

Farley: No, sorry, that was me and my friend, "The Snow Plower (not really, I shoot snowballs, not plow snow) Machine".

Xaber: Then with Jutsu did I use?

Voice: You used the summon jutsu! Believe it!

Xaber: Oh gods… It's Naruto…

Kazufox: What? Where?! I can't see!

Naruto: I'm standing right in front of you! Believe it!

Skysurfer: Do you always say that?

Naruto: You better BELIEVE IT!

Farley: Well, this is great, but not really. I mean, we have Naruto and Snow Plower Gun! What ever will we do for fun?

Naruto: You could try and shoot me with the gun! Believe it!

Farley: Nah, that'll never work…

Kazufox: Well we could—

Farley: Wait! I got the perfect idea! But I think I'll start peeling these here potatoes—

Xaber: Pills.

Farley: Whatever. "Pills" before I say what I'm thinking!

Farley does so, meanwhile, the others try to entertain themselves.

Kazufox: So guys… How’s the weather where you're at?

Xaber: We're all in the same place.

Kazufox: Damn. Once again, my inability to notice things has led to my downfall. Drops on his knees I'LL AVENGE YOU FATHER!!!!!!!!!!

Skysurfer: Your father's dead?

Kazufox: No, he just works for POO-blix.

Xaber: Don't you mean Publix?

Kazufox: No, if I did, I would've said so.

Skysurfer: So…you're mad about your dad making money at a convenience store?

Kazufox: He does?

Skysurfer: Yes, you just said he works at POO-blix.

Xaber: Publix.

Kazufox: No, I never said he works at POO-blix.

Xaber: Publix!

Skysurfer: Yes, you did! You said he works at POO-blix!

Xaber: IT'S PUBLIX FOR J'S SAKE!!!!!!

Skysurfer: AH! Oh… Xaber… When'd you get here?

Xaber: Oh me? I've been here for about… How about long before you showed up? That sounds about right.

Kazufox: So how's the weather?

Xaber: I'd say where in for a shower of stupidity, followed by an intelligent break if my ship doesn't plummet to its doom. By the way… Why is everyone still on my ship?

Kazufox: Whee! It’s raining hammers and nails!

Xaber: What are you talking about?

Kazufox: Look!

Hammers and nails start raining from the sky.

Naruto: It’s raining hammers and nails, believe it!

Skysurfer: That’s it! Uses Naruto as a human shield

Naruto gets impaled with everything hammer and nail.

Naruto: I’m dead… Believe it…

Farley: Um… Where are the hammers coming from?

Mario: It’s-a me-a Mario!

Xaber: Aren’t you supposed to be dead?

Mario: Nope! That-a was a clone!

Kazufox: But isn’t cloning bad?

Naruto: Not at all! Believe it!

Farley: Didn’t you just die?

Naruto: That was a shadow clone! Believe it!

Skysurfer: Say “believe it” once more and you’ll regret it.

Naruto: Believe—

Skysurfer: Grr…

Naruto: —me, I get hit by hammers and nails all the time! They can’t kill me! I even have this one FASCINATING mark on my butt that looks like—

Xaber: I don't think any of us want you to continue that sentence.

Naruto: Okay, I believe—

Skysurfer: Gr…

Naruto: —you, cause I doubt you would lie.

Kazufox: But his name's Xaber! XABER! That's the name of lying… Or some sharp thingy. I can't remember.

Naruto: Do you think I'm seriously gonna believe—

Skysurfer: Grr…

Naruto: —that? It's ridiculous!

Farley: We're getting nothing done this way. Hey Naruto.

Naruto: Yeah?

Farley: Are you gonna become Hokage some day?

Naruto: Can't… Resist… Must… BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!

Skysurfer: GGRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Loud noises ensue.

Xaber: Would somebody please get that spleen out of my cannon?

Naruto: My spleen! Believe it!

Skysurfer: Grr!

----
A loud commotion, of such pure horror so that I am being paid, okay, I'm not being paid, but I can't show it due to the extreme graphic nature.

We now return to your regularly scheduled insanity.
----

Xaber: Would somebody please get Naruto out of my cannon?

Kazufox: Sorry, we're to busy running away.

Xaber: How are you running away? You're still standing on my ship.

Skysurfer: Grr…

Xaber: Bad Sky! Keep your Land Stalker over there and don't make any sudden moves.

Skysurfer: Fine…

Naruto: I'm dead. Believe it.

Skysurfer: That's it! I'm sick of your stupid catch phrases you—

----

Intermission

Due to the content we shall show you something random.

Farley: These intermissions are weird.

Kazufox: Slaps Farley with a fish Don't challenge the intermission… Thing!

Xaber: Yeah… Kazu? Where'd you get that fish?

Kazufox: Thinks for a moment I don't know. Tosses fish away

Mario: It's-a me-a Mari— The fish lands in his throat ACK-a! Falls on the ground and turns blue

----

Sky's Land Stalker goes into Naruto's school, screams are heard in tune with explosions.

Kakashi: A very interesting turn of events.

Kazufox: Kakashi!

Kakashi: Oh, hello.

Xaber: You know that Sky's gonna kill everyone.

Kakashi: I suppose I should go help them shouldn't I?

Farley: Gee, you think?

Kakashi: I will. Pulls out book As soon as I finish my… Reading…

Kazufox: Kakashi! Stop looking at that dirty porno book!

Xaber: What?

Kakashi: Uh… No, that's not what it is.

Farley: Then what is it then?

Kakashi: It's um…Substitution jutsu! Vanishes in a cloud of smoke and a log takes his place

The Land Stalker walks towards the group and Skysurfer jumps out.

Skysurfer: Now that all traces of Naruto are gone—

Xaber: The school is still there.

Skysurfer:Presses an oversized red button on a black box that says "ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG!" and a Nuclear explosion vaporizes the school Done… Now I’m fine.

Farley: Well, now that Naruto, and his school, isn't here anymore, what're we gonna torment now?

Xaber: You could tell us that idea you had earlier.

Farley: Nah… I never had one. I was just pulling your legs.

Skysurfer: Hey! No one pulls my leg but me! Got it?

Farley: … Cowers away

Xaber: I don't think I've ever seen such a large-scale substitution jutsu before.

Farley: What do you mean?

Xaber: Sky went and attacked a place on the ocean. Konohagakure is located very far inland.

Kazufox: I wonder what he attacked then.

Xaber: I guess we'll never know. Just don't tell Sky, okay?

----
Meanwhile off the coast
----

Shinji: I am Shinji Icari and I will kill you all!

Oristhel: How? EVA unit 1 just got trashed.

Shinji: I'll think of something.

Oristhel: How are you standing on the water? Your EVA unit sank, and I can because I don't physically exist, as well as being a ninja.

Shinji: What I'm— Glub. Ack! Help!

Oristhel: I can't. I told you, I'm not physically here… And there is no one around for miles.

Voice: Except…

Shinji: What's that? Is it some hot anime chick coming to rescue me?

Farley: Never fear! Me and my spaceship are here!

Shinji: Of, it's just a dude.

Farley: Wha—? You want to be saved or not?

Shinji: Not by a guy.

Farley: Too bad.

A giant hook comes out of the spaceship and grabs Shinji, pulling him out of his EVA.

Shinji: Damn… Now my EVA's gonna be ruined.

Farley: May it start it's long peaceful rest bellow the sea…

The EVA blows up.

Farley: …Or not…

----
Back on the mainland
----

Xaber: Farley, I thank you for getting of my ship. If only Kazufox and Gordo would do the same… At least we're no longer being pursued. Am I the only one getting hungry… Hey look a restaurant!

Skysurfer wakes up from his nap on Xaber's ship.

Skysurfer: Zzzzzz— Huh… Wha… Oy… I had a dream that there were falling blocks… Like… Tetris… Wow… I really needed that Prozac…

Xaber: Would all passengers please hold on as we will be making a sudden stop.

Xaber steers the Kitsunetsuki into a steep dive, plummeting straight towards the ground. At a few meters from ground level, he pulls out of the dive, coasting to a stop in an empty parking lot.

Xaber: Be on your guard. You never know when danger will strike.

Xaber walks into the building, noticing no one is behind the counter. He walks up slowly, his hand inching towards his rifle. Suddenly a figure materializes beside him, causing him to jump back.

Cashier-ninja: Welcome to Ninja Burger. How may I help you?

Xaber: Well, I'd like to order a Ninja Burger Combo #2, a Samurai Chicken Sandwich and an Onion Death Blossom.

Cashier-ninja: Coming right up.

A ninja is on the ceiling and drops behind Xaber.

Ninja: Here is a straw!

Xaber: Uh… Thanks?

Ninja: You're welcome, Xaber.

Xaber: Kazufox?

Kazufox: Yes?

Xaber: I never knew you worked here. I never knew that you were even a ninja.

Kazufox: Well, that's kinda the point.

Honorable Manager: Fox guy! No talking with the customers!

Kazufox: Sorry Honorable Manager-san, but my shift is done.

Honorable Manager: Oh… Have a nice day.

Kazufox: Isn't my boss cool?

Xaber: Okay… But how'd you get here from my ship?

Kazufox: Skydiving.

Xaber: But there weren't any parachutes.

Kazufox: …

Xaber notices a hole in the ceiling.

Kazufox: Never said it was a soft landing.

Skysurfer: If you wanted a soft landing, you might want to try not using the cannon to launch yourself at the restaurant next time.

Xaber: You did WHAT!?

Kazufox: Moving along…What'd you get me?

Xaber: This.

Xaber holds out a bag, but before Kazufox can grab it, he crumbles it and throws it out the window.

Kazufox: Aww…

Xaber: Yep. I got you an empty bag. Now, why not get something yourselves… Guys?

Xaber looks around wondering where everyone has gone. Suddenly Kazufox flies through the window, hitting Xaber hard.

Xaber: What is going on?

A gang of angry samurai enters the store.

Xaber: Samurai Burger!? I shall destroy you!

There is a loud bang, and the store fills with smoke. When it clears, Xaber has shapeshifted into a black panther. He is dressed in charcoal grey, garbed from head to toe.

Xaber: I will show you true pain.

He steps into a fighting stance.

Xaber: Kazu, do you want to be backup, or find the others? Either way, you will be having to fight off more of these goons. Take my weapons. I won't be needing them. Now go.

Xaber turns to face the samurai.

Xaber: You have interrupted my lunch. Fear the consequences.

----

Meanwhile (since we feel like interrupting Xaber's X-citing battle—

Xaber: What!?

Anyway, we take you to KAZU!
----

Kazufox: Thinking Gee, the life of a ninja is real hard. Running through forests, killing people, working at fast food restaurants… Hey, an acorn!

BAAM!

Kazufox falls back and looks up to see Farley in a pirate costume.

Farley: Haha! It is I, Farley, here to defeat you, Kazu, for the honor of the Samurai Burger and the Bushido Fries. Samurai swords no longer available with apprentice meals.

Kazufox: Wait… Samurai Burger? But you're dressed up as a pirate.

Farley: Wait? Looks at costume Damn it! I got the wrong one again!

Kazufox: What was it last time?

Farley: An octopus…

Kazufox: …Uh… Yeah… So we're enemies now?

Farley: Uh… Yeah, pretty sure.

Kazufox: So… I guess we fight now.

Farley: Yeah, I guess you get the first move since you thought of it.

Kazufox: Begins running I will kill you for the glory of the Ninja—

Kazufox trips and lands on his face.

Farley: …

Kazufox: Hang on. Let me get up…

Farley: I thought ninja were supposed to be graceful warriors.

Kazufox: Shut up!

Farley: You want to start something?

Kazufox: You already did! Now let's fight!

Farley / Kazufox: HEEEEEYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!!

----
Five minutes later
----

Farley: How the hell did we get stuck in this tree?

Kazufox: I have no idea….

----

Back at Ninja Burger
----

From the back rush in a group of men in business suits.

Mario: Who-a do you think-a you are?

Samurai: We are Samurai Burger. We fight for lack of honor, and bad food.

Skysurfer: We are-a La Famiglia Burger. We are-a here to-a take-a you-a down.

Samurai: We will help our late comrade. To the forest.

The samurai run full tilt towards the forest, in an attempt to escape the mafia. Suddenly, a flying pirate ship crashes through the side of Ninja Burger. The captain jumps down and swaggers up towards the mafia.

Xaber: Oh, what the hell.

Again, the restaurant is filled with smoke. When it clears, Xaber is a wolf, grey and battle scarred. A black eye patch covers his left eye, and a black tricorn hat adorns his head. He draws a pistol and blows a hole in the back of the captain’s neck.

Xaber: Avast! Ye slobby landlubbers, I’ll be taken that ship.

First mate: But we’re pirates.

Xaber: Then I’ll be your new Captain. Raise the lanyard and bring her about to port. We’re sending this sea scum back to the briny deep.

Xaber grabs a rope and climbs the side of the ship.

Xaber: Bring me the grog. We spark a fight like none before seen on the high seas.

First mate: Aye, aye, sir!

----
Meanwhile, back in the forest
----

Samurai: Look! Ninja!

Ninja: No, we’re not ninja.

Samurai: Oh… Kill them anyway.

The ninja and samurai start fighting violently beneath Farley and Kazufox.

----
Above the battle, in the tree…
----

Kazufox: Um… You're a… A… A…

Farley: I'm a samurai!

Kazufox: What? Notices Farley has changed his costume When'd you get that new costume?

Farley: I left the tree when you weren't looking, bought this costume, changed into it, and came back to get you and got stuck again, see?

Farley points to sword stuck in the tree.

Kazufox: How did you manage to do that?

Farley: I could tell you, but that wouldn't get us out of this tree. So…

Farley pulls the sword out of the tree and falls to the ground.

Kazufox: Why didn't you do that before?

The samurai finally notice Farley.

Farley: Hello comrades, I suppose you guys came to help—

Samurai: Who the hell are you?

Farley: Eh? Farley Grey, the new employee. The boss said you would come to help me.

Samurai: No, the Farley we're looking for is an idiot in a pirate costume.

Voice: Did-a someone say-a pirate?

Everyone turns and expects to see Xaber, but see Skysurfer instead and seem disappointed.

Skysurfer: What? I was-a just-a asking.

Samurai: Oh, then yes.

Skysurfer: Oh-a good, I wasn't-a hearing-a things again…

Sky and his Mafia start to leave when a large ship comes out of nowhere and lands before them.

Xaber: Arr! We have arrived you scurvy dogs!

Kazufox: How'd you get across land in that ship?

Xaber: Arr! It ignores all rules of logic, me boy!

Kazufox: Cool.

Farley: Aren't you guys forgetting something?

Samurai: Oh yeah, we need to go find Farley.

Farley: I'm Farley! Points to self

Samurai: Why didn't you say so before?

Farley: You know what? I'm not gonna complain, let's just start this fight!

Skysurfer: (I have just about of this Italian accent… Wait… I can fix that by killing Mario, there is absolutely no downside to that.)

Skysurfer turns to Mario.

Skysurfer: Hey-a Mario, I need-a to-a talk to-a you, in-a private.

Mario: No-a. I'm-a to-a busy.

Skysurfer: Fine-a! I'll-a do it-a right-a here!

Skysurfer pulls out a Kalashnikov and proceeds to turn Mario into Swiss cheese.

Peach: YAY! My hero!

Bowser: Well done, old chap!

Luigi: You killed-a my-a brother, how can I-a thank-a you?

Skysurfer: Okay-a, I am-a now-a the mafia boss-a. My-a first-a rule is, now-a that I am also the-a restaurant-a owner… speak normal. (Finally) Now, back to we will take you down…

Everyone brandishes every automatic weapon under the Mafia's sun. Suddenly, a guy with a pizza for a mask shows up.

Pizza Head: You-a there! Mafioso… You will-a speak-a de Italian, or we will-a shoot-a you.

Mafia: Yeah-a!

Kazufox: For the honor of my restaurant, I will defeat you. Dragon Grill Technique!

Kazufox breaths fire towards Farley, igniting the trees.

Kazufox: Help! I’m on fire!

Xaber: Avast, ye cranky landlubber. We be getting you down.

Farley: Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be fighting?

Xaber: Aye matey, but I can’t just leave’m there to burn.

A pirate climbs the tree and grabs Kazu. He brings him to the deck of the airship and ties him up.

Xaber: Bring ‘er round to starboard, hoist the mainsail and load the cannons!

As the ship turns and the sail goes up, Kazufox is unceremonious shoved into a cannon.

Xaber: Aim and fire!

Kazufox and three other cannons are fired directly into the combatants, killing many mafiosos and samurai.

Skysurfer: What about-a the-a ninja?

Xaber: There for us to attend to, personally, savvy?

The pirates draw their muskets and sabers and open fire on the ninja.

Xaber: Aharr! We be scurvy sea dogs, intent on plundering your booty!

Farley: (Gee, I can't comprehend what's going on here, or what that weird pirate guy is saying. He's probably Chinese or something…)

Farley then notices a match on the ground.

Farley: Oh! Lights the match

----
Meanwhile…
----

Kazufox: Now recovering from his few seconds as a cannon ball Geez, that was crazier than my middle school years. With all the joking, and being a gangster, and—

Xaber: Arr! Let's plunder these here ninja!

Kazufox: Yeah, that too.

Kazufox then sees a small match fly through the air.

Kazufox: Huh, don't see that everyday.

The match then lands on a small patch of gunpowder, which mysteriously leads to the ship, which then sets of fire, which sets the canons on fire, which—

KABOOM

Kazufox: Don't see that everyday, either.

Then a pig flies through the air and gets blown up by a torpedo.

Kazufox: Or that.

Xaber: Arr, me scurvy dogs. We ain't got no ship! We'll surely drown in these vast waters!

Pirate: But we're on land!

Xaber: Well, if ye don't say! We are! With that been said, ATTACK!

The ninja and the pirates start fighting an awkward battle filled with odd accents and funny mishaps.

Ninja: You cut off my arm!

Pirate: Oh, how inconvenient!

 Farley walks up to Kazufox.

Farley: Hey Kazu, you see a match flying around here somewhere?

Kazufox: Yeah, was that you who threw the match that blew up the ship?

Farley: What ship?

Kazufox points to the steaming pile of wreckage and Steve-o posters.

Farley: No, I didn't do it.

Xaber notices a 'I did it' sign on Farley's back.

Xaber: Argh! You blew up me ship! I'll keelhaul ya! Begins fighting samurai

Kazufox: Anyways, Pulls out a cheese sword it is time to answer the age old question of who is better. Pirates or ninja.

Farley: But I'm a samurai.

Kazufox: Oh. Well, I'll show you what I'll do to a pirate anyways!

Kazufox swings the cheese sword and it cuts through across the chest armor of Farley.

Farley: Gah! What kind of cheese is that?

Kazufox: Sharp cheddar. You like?

Farley: That's nice but Xaber is the pirate.

Xaber: Arr, me mateys, time to make ye walk the plank!

Farley: But you don't have a ship anymore.

Xaber: And I'll make ye pay!

Kazufox: Hey pirate. It was the mafia that blew up your ship.

Mafia: You-a can't-a prove it.

Kazufox: Wanna bet?

Kazufox pulls out a matchbook that belongs to the mafia.

Farley: But how did you get it so fast?

Kazufox: Simple, my ninja buddies handed it off to me in secrecy. That's why ninja rock!

Naruto: Believe it!

Kazufox: You disgrace ninja everywhere! Cuts off Naruto's head

Skysurfer: Oh-a snap-a…

The mafia takes cover in the ship’s wreckage and fills the area with lead.

Farley: Wait, I just remembered something…

Kazufox: What's that?

Farley: I wasn't wearing armor.

Kazufox: Then what did I cut?

James McCloud: Fox… Avenge me… Dies

Fox McCloud: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Kazufox: How was he even alive?

Fox: I just finished reanimating him you idiot!!!

Kazufox: Oh crap…

Fox: Die!

Fox puts on a Samurai suit and attacks Kazu.

Kazufox: Wait… James is supposed to be on my team. And he never died!

James: Uh…I am now!

Fox: I shall avenge my father! Pulls out sword Prepare to die!

Farley: This is going just like a movie.

Skysurfer: Would you-a like-a popcorn?

Farley: Sure… Hey, it's poisoned isn't it?

Skysurfer: No-a, why would I-a do that?

Xaber: Arr! Cause we're trying to kill each other!

Kazufox: James, get up! Kicks James

James: Ow.

Fox: Stop that!

Kazufox: If he's really dead then he shouldn't be talking.

Fox: Unless… He's a zombie!! Don't eat my brains!! Runs away

Farley: I never knew Fox had any brains.

Kazufox: James, I’m gonna have a talk with you later.

James is already gone.

Kazufox: I hate when he does that!

Suddenly, a loud whirring is heard overhead. A large four-sailed ship, with propellers gigantic propellers on the masts, flies over head. One of the Mafia pulls out a rocket launcher, firing at the ship, but the rocket detonates harmlessly on it’s bow.

Xaber: You won’t be blasting this one down.

Farley: Why not?

Xaber: This one is designed to be the site of the ultimate and deciding battle. The divine powers above have decided to make this interesting.

Farley: What happened to your accent?

Xaber: What accent, swabby?

The ship begins to glow blue, and so do the four friends. Suddenly they are on the deck of the ship, and it is massive. A field surrounds the ship, preventing anyone from entering or exiting. Suddenly lasers are fired decimating all other ninja, samurai, mafia members and pirates.

Voice: You four shall fight it out on this battlefield. The last one standing shall have their restaurant spread, and all others shall be destroyed.

Farley: What now?

Kazufox: I shall kill you and restore my honor.

Skysurfer: Let’s-a get this-a party a-started.

Xaber: Now, ye shall be swimming with the sharks.

Farley: Hold on a second, I need to find Fox, he's my celebrity assistant in this thing.

Kazufox: Yes, and I appear to have lost James, so I should look for him.

Pirate: Arr! Get away from me booty!

Fox: I swear I wasn't touching anything, especially not your booty.

James: Good for you son, you overcame temptation.

Kazufox: There they AAAARRRRRREEEEEE!

Xaber: That was lame Kazu… Arr.

Farley and Kazufox both walk over to James, Fox, and the Pirate.

Farley: What are you guys doing over here?

Kazufox: Yeah, we got a battle to start!

Pirate: These two here were tryin' to steal me pickles! You don't steal from a pirate you scurvy dogs!

Fox: Oh, I get it, because we're from the canid family. Right…

Kazufox: So it seems you're in quite a pickle.

Farley: But I thought they were trying to steal pickles.

Pirate: Aye, they were, matey.

Kazufox: Yeah, they were in a pickle.

Farley: Wait… Which is it?

Fox: Which what?

Farley: Which type of pickle?

James: Maybe the one that you eat.

Kazufox: But you can't be in an edible pickle!

Pirate: Arr. Maybe it's some sort of metaphor.

Farley: Why wouldn't you just say what you mean?

Pirate: Cause you all seem to be in a pickle.

Fox: Can I eat the pickle?

Pirate: Arrgh! Stay away from me pickles.

Farley: But that still doesn't explain—

Xaber: SHUT UP!

Suddenly Fox, James and the pirate are engulfed if a bright blue light, and are reduced to smoldering heaps of ash, which are then blown to the hospital by a mysterious breeze.

Voice: Were you not listening to what I was saying? You four have to duke it out. No help whatsoever. Now get duking, before I disintegrate the four of you and scatter your ashes around Slippy World.

With a disparaged sigh, Xaber draws his pistol and points it at Skysurfer's head.

Xaber: I never wanted to this mate…

He drops the pistol slightly as he fires, shooting Skysurfer in the paw. He quickly readjusts and fires into the other, leaving him in pain and struggling to hold his weapon. He then reloads and turns to face Kazufox, who has caught Farley's katana with two kunai.

Farley: My superior swordsmanship will win.

Kazufox: No, it is my superior cunning and ninjutsu that will prevail.

Farley: You are ninja scum. You have no cunning.

Kazufox: Then why do they say "cunning as a fox"?

Kazufox drops to the ground, rolling out of the way of Farley's katana. As Farley moves to recover, Kazufox lunges upward, kicking Farley hard in the chest.

Farley: Sneaky…

Kazufox zipped around to Farley's back, just to be blocked by a swift flash of a blade, causing him to jump back.

Kazufox: I'm just getting warmed up.

Kazufox jumps forward once more, only to be stopped mid-air by the hilt of the katana, taken by surprise. Seeing this as an opportunity, Farley reverses his grip and brings the sword across his chest, cutting Kazufox slightly across the nose.

Farley: Heh.

Farley then changes stances, placing his right foot behind him and sweeping his left around. Once in this new position, he digs his sword into the ground and pushes himself into the air with his foot, flipping. Kazufox then recovers, noticing Farley's blade digging through the ground towards him and quickly jumps aside landing square upon a tree, and without hesitation, he launches off of it, passing over Farley. A quick unconscious reaction then takes place. Kazufox reached out and grabs the tip of Farley's armor just before gathering all his strength and hurling him through the air.

Kazufox: Fool, don't underestimate me.

Farley: You're the fool.

Farley noticed his flight path and positioned his katana accordingly. Trees dropped in half as quick as Farley passed them.

Farley: Have fun.

Kazufox: What?

Kazufox saw the trees towering over him and started to run full tilt, dodging each swiftly, though, very clumsily, do to the surprise of the counter, almost being smashed in the process. Though, once Kazufox had cleared out of the trees' way, a flash crossed his eyesight and cut appeared over his left arm.

Farley: Smirking I believe I should quote you from before, "Don't underestimate me".

Kazufox: You think you may have won. But like the old saying "Don't count me out yet!" Ninja arts! Summoning!

Kazufox makes several hand signs and then hits the ground with his palm. And a half ketchup and half mustard bottle creature appears.

Farley: What is that?

Kazufox: My ace up my sleeve. My summoning monster! Go, Ketchstard!

Farley: Oh…I get it. It's half ketchup and half mustard…It makes sense.

Ketchstard: RRAAAAWWRRR!!!!

Ketchstard sprays ketchup and mustard at Farley. Farley dodges out of the way and cuts the spray of ketchup and mustard. But as he cuts the goop, it sticks to his sword making it heavier slowing down his movements.

Farley: Oh no!

Kazufox: Pitiful! You can't beat Ketchstard and you call yourself a warrior. Now for that cut on my nose!

Kazufox takes a piece of dried mustard and uses it as a surfboard as Ketchstard fires a mix of ketchup and mustard at Farley. Kazufox jumps off as Farley cuts the board and Kazufox uses his sword to make a light cut across Farley's chest.

Voice: You have broken the rule: You shalt not summon. Fear my wrath! Moptacular displacement!

A giant mop comes down, cleaning up the Ketchstard and all of the goop. Suddenly the battlefield is rife with pits of lava, and all four members on a small mesa. Suddenly the lava rises to halfway up the mesa, creating an impassable lake. The outer edges of the mesa start to crumble.

Xaber: What ho, me hearties. This be getting interesting. Time to stir it up a bit more.

Suddenly, Xaber’s fur darkens, and his form changes. He becomes a graceful female, and lunges at the other three.

Xaber: Surely you’re too noble to hit a girl.

She holsters her pistol, brandishing her saber and baring her teeth in a grim, but energetic smile. Farley immediately attacks Kazufox realizing that he has been stunned. Xaber jumps into the path of the oncoming attack blocking it with her saber. She pivots on her right paw, bringing her left heel around, smashing it into his jaw.

Xaber: You shouldn’t pick on others because they like what they see. To Kazufox Sorry sugar, but you should pay more attention to what’s going on.

Xaber drops to the ground, arcing her left paw around Kazufox’s legs. She then pulls in sharply, dropping Kazufox to the ground, and in the same motion, bringing her leg to impact viciously to Skysurfer’s left thigh. As Skysurfer falls to the ground, Farley stands picking his katana up from where it had fallen.

Xaber: Nyah ha.

Farley: Why do you no longer speak like a pirate.

Xaber: As a female, I get to choose. I’m an educated pirate, unlike most of those bilgewallopers, you see. Therefore, I have the right to choose not to affect such an uncouth mannerism.

Skysurfer gets up and grabs a baseball bat.

Skysurfer: You are-a meaning to say-a that you can-a stop-a whenever you-a want!?

Voice: You guys are pathetic. I don’t care how you speak, just get this fight over. Vocal rules will be reinstated afterwards.

Skysurfer: Finally, a break from the pain. I praise the divine fortunes.

As Skysurfer says this last sentence, Kazufox leans over and stabs a kunai into the back of his leg.

Skysurfer: Why you—

He spins around, driving the bat towards Kazufox’s groin, but Kazufox manages to roll to the side. Unfortunately, the bat is forced into his kidney, causing him to arch his back in pain. Farley creeps up behind Skysurfer and stabs him through the shoulder. Kazufox twists and throws a shuriken at Farley, who dodges to the side. However, it hits Xaber it the stomach, enraging her, and she viciously hack down Farley’s back, cutting through his armor and into his back.

Kazufox: Aw man…Why did Xaber have to change into a girl now?

Xaber: Because I choose to be.

Farley: Get off my back!

Skysurfer: Both of you get off!

Skysurfer uses the bat to try to hit Xaber, but Xaber leaps over him, backwards, and Farley gets hit instead, cracking his skull.

Farley: Yeow!

Xaber jumps on Farley and takes advantage of his damaged head and starts beating on it. While Skysurfer's bat was still pulled back, Kazufox lunges toward Skysurfer.

Kazufox: Taste my blade!

The cheese began to melt because of the heat from the lava and when he strikes Skysurfer, it leaves a smear of hot melting cheese on his chest.

Skysurfer: AAHH!! It burns!

Kazufox: That's not what I meant but…

Kazufox starts shoving the burning cheese down Skysurfer's throat burning his mouth and his throat.

Kazufox: And THAT'S for aiming low!

Skysurfer: Gurgle

Skysurfer pulls the bat and hits Kazufox in the side causing him to jump back. Kazufox then throws Pickle Shuriken and knives at Skysurfer. Skysurfer manages to avoid being hit by most of the the thrown but takes some damage and manages to hit some towards Farley. Farley notices the pickles and attempts to use Xaber, who is still on his back, as a shield, but this time she drops to her back with her knees in Farley's spine, as he lays on top, as cover and his legs are hit by the pickles.

Farley: Crap... This isn't going to well, but at least I got rid of some unwanted back/chest hair. Charges at Xaber

Xaber: I'm still female, you know.

Farley: Right, and I abide by a law in which I can't draw my sword, or whatever I may have, towards a woman.

Skysurfer: You wuss!

Farley: Kicks Skysurfer through the air So I'll let you do so.

Skysurfer rams into Xaber, knocking her, as well as himself, to the ground. Farley then turns his attention to Kazufox, who has taken in the situation and was coming in to attack Xaber and Skysurfer. Upon seeing this, Farley rounds his sword and launchs it to Kazufox, with it landing just a few inches before him. The sword has done its job.

Farley: Surprise.

Kazufox looks down to see the hilt of another sword coming straight upward, just before Farley smashes it into his face, making him airborne. Farley unsheathes his other sword from the ground and, even though his legs have been weakened, jumps into the air. Farley then makes his first swipe, which Kazufox swiftly blocks with a kunai.

Kazufox: I'm not gonna be that easy!

Farley: I know.

The left-hand sword flashes out of nowhere and cut across, followed by another flash, this time made by the right-hand sword. Flashes occurred at any point in any which way, it was impossible for Kazufox to see the next move.

Farley: Now, to finish.

Farley grabs both his swords and brings them across his chest.

Farley: Might be wise to block.

Kazufox did so, though, when the swords were forced across each other, it felt like a full-fledged blow. Though, it was not done, he was now flying through the air.

Xaber: Gets up How dare you fly into a female!

Skysurfer: It wasn't me! It was that Farley!

Xaber: Great rhyme Sk—

Kazufox flies into Xaber, who falls to the ground face first a few inches short of Skysurfer.

Skysurfer: Gee! I'm lucky!

Farley: Lands Geez, what a pain... Grabs head

Skysurfer: (This bat sucks… Oh MY GOD.)

Skysurfer yells as he tries to avoid Farley's wakizashi… But fails miserably and his stomach is pierced.

Skysurfer: Assisted seppuku… Not cool…

Skysurfer brings hid bat down on Farley's head… Shattering his already fractured skull. Farley reels in pain. Xaber's and Kazufox's blades parry and Skysurfer rips out the wakizashi, throws it on the ground, and swings at Xaber. Xaber manages to avoid Skysurfer’s attack but her arm is smashed viciously.

Skysurfer: I've got you now.

Kazufox: You think you're lucky, punk?

Skysurfer: What?

Skysurfer didn't notice the trap Kazufox had setup. Kazufox pulls a wire and kunai and shuriken appear out of nowhere to hit Skysurfer from all different angles. Skysurfer tries to block the attacks but falls to the ground in pain from the weapons that hit his legs.

Xaber: Ow… My arm…

Kazufox: Hey are you okay?

Xaber: Fine, just hurt my arm. You know we're supposed to be fighting.

Kazufox: I know dammit, but… I can't… Look out!

Farley has managed to wake up and rushes in with his swords using his remaining strength to move at a lightning fast speed. Kazufox pushes Xaber to the side, saving her, but also further injuring her left arm and making it throb violently. This gave Kazufox enough leverage to position himself to Farley's side. Kazufox pulls out his kunai in both hands and as Farley swings his sword to strike Kazufox blocked with the left kunai but had a loose grip and dropped it. After Farley had passed through, Kazufox reaches for his shuriken and throws it at Farley's back. Farley managed to turn around fast enough to see the weapons and blocked them with his swords causing them to fall to the ground.

Farley: That was a good move. But you'll have to do better than that.

Kazufox rushed in to finish it but Farley slashes Kazufox directly in an outward X slash through his chest. Kazufox falls to the ground.

Farley: Looks like you lose Kazu.

Farley notices something wasn't right when he saw Kazufox smiling, and in a cloud of smoke another Kazufox rose up from where the shuriken were and with the one kunai he dropped, cuts Farley across the chest and stabs the knife into the right shoulder and then jumped back.

Farley: AAAAHH!!! But how?

The 'dead' Kazufox disappears in a cloud of smoke.

Farley: A shadow clone.

Kazufox: Never underestimate me Farley. It seems the only way I can get close to you without my sword is to catch you off guard. Now we'll see how well you do with just one arm. Picks up other kunai and shuriken

Farley: Pretty well, actually.

An aura around Farley's right arm glows, then moves over to his right arm.

Kazufox: What did you just do?!

Farley: You'll get to find out first hand. Lucky you.

Farley then held his sword across his chest, charging some thing up. Kazufox saw this and decided to attack, swiftly and suddenly, Farley, however, knew this decision, and was one step ahead. Though, he was now slower due to his right arm being punctured, Farley had excellent timing, allowing him to sweep the sword just as Kazufox drew another kunai. Kazufox, seeing this as an immediate death blow, slide under the blade and between Farley's legs, coming out untouched behind Farley.

Kazufox: Ha—

The blade viciously cuts across Kazufox's face, creating a long scar right between his eyes and his muzzle. Surprised, Kazufox is thrown back from the momentum of the strike being transferred from the sword and into his body, pushing him into an industrial building that now takes up the middle of the field.

Farley: Now stay still.

Two kunai swiftly fly past Kazufox's nose, digging deep into his ears. Kazufox winces in pain.

Farley: Thanks for leaving those lying around, they can come in handy.

Farley then holds his sword in another position and begins to follow through his unknown attack, though, Kazufox doesn't wait, and out of terror, rips  the tip of his ears straight through the kunai. Once out of sight behind the corner of the building, Kazufox hides and attempts to cover his ears in two strips of cloth.

Farley: That's okay, I wasn't focusing on you anyway.

In the background, Skysurfer continues with his assault. He brings Farley's right hand sword about his face and sends it crashing into the ground.

Skysurfer: (Missed… So… Where'd he go?)

Xaber: I'm currently a female.

Skysurfer turns to see a cutlass heading towards him, and avoiding accordingly so that it barely misses his face. Once recovered, Skysurfer focuses on Xaber once more, who stands in an intimidated fashion, holding her sword before her. Skysurfer reacts the same way, clenching both his ill-gotten sword and his old, worn bat tightly. Though, before either one can make a move, a strong wind blows both on their feet.

Farley: Heads up!

Both gather themselves to see Farley charging to the ground with his sword facing closest to his new targets; Xaber and Skysurfer. Wasting no time, Skysurfer jumps to his feet and breaks out in a sprint, only to be knocked over by a strong blast to the back. His ill-gotten sword is incinerated. Xaber, now standing in a rather weak position, has vengeance in her eyes. She launches herself into the air and brought both feet downward towards Farley, who quickly blocks. Though, a flash reveals itself, a quick attack. It is intended to hit Farley, but it lands on Xaber instead. A small kunai was thrown; now it is digging into Xaber's left leg. Kazufox has rejoined the battle.

Kazufox: Damn it...

A rebellious swing from Farley's sword sends the four combatants in position to form a small square, each exchanging nervous looks while trying to remain tough. The injuries are starting to take their toll.

All: Let's end this, now.

Voice: Not so fast. This is finally getting interesting. Let’s mix it up a bit more.

The terrain begins to ripple, though it doesn’t affect the footing of the four. As it refocuses, shelves rise up, stocked with canned goods. They are scattered throughout a grocery store, weakened and tiring. Xaber immediately realizes that she is in one place that men show their true weakness. She grabs a shopping cart, and piles a stack of groceries in.

Xaber: Shouting If only a strong, handsome man would come help me with all my heavy groceries.

Suddenly Kazufox appears as if from thin air, and takes the cart without thinking about it. Farley and Skysurfer round the corner at the far end of the aisle, and start to run towards Xaber. She musters her strength, giving Kazufox a fierce shove, sending him and the cart careening into the other two. As they recover, she runs around the corner, knocking a pyramid of creamed corn to the ground. As Farley dashes around the corner he slips, knocking the shelf onto Kazufox and Skysurfer.

Farley: It will take more than that to stop m—

He is suddenly hit in the face by a large tub of chocolate ice cream.

Farley: Must resist the temptation…

Skysurfer grabs a metal pole from the wreckage and suddenly, Kazufox and Skysurfer come around the corner, making a beeline towards Farley. Kazufox flips over him, landing on top of a shelf where Xaber catches him with a fierce right hook. Skysurfer slide tackles Farley, and Kazufox falls on the both of them. Kazufox quickly recovers, and climbs back up the shelf, only to find that Xaber has leapt onto the lights. Kazufox leaps to another shelf and struggles up onto the lights from there, as Farley and Skysurfer climb up at opposite corners of the store.

Xaber: How’s your footwork? You’ll need to be light on your feet for this one.

She then lightly hops to the middle, only to find the others have made it as well. She and Farley are on one light, with Skysurfer and Kazufox on the next one over.

Xaber: You guys are quicker than I thought. Too bad we don’t have a mule going… I guess you’ll have to do.

As Farley steps to attack, she catches his downward swing, deflecting his sword into the path of Skysurfer’s metal pole. The two crash with a fierce clang as Xaber crouches, lunging to stab Kazufox in the foot. However, Kazufox is quick enough to see the attack coming, and deflects the blow downward, causing Xaber to lose her footing. Farley notices this, and reversing his katana, attempts to stab Xaber in the back. Kazufox throws a kunai at Farley, causing him to turn, giving Xaber the chance to recover and block Skysurfer’s rod.

Farley: Panting You are tough. Why do we even have to fight?

Skysurfer: Panting I’m not sure any more… But I won’t lose!

Skysurfer lunges towards Farley, as Xaber swings at him. His forward momentum clears him of Xaber’s attack, but her cutlass cuts through the support cable of the light. As it tilts Kazufox and Skysurfer leap over to the other light, with Xaber rolling to avoid Skysurfer’s flailing pole. She ends up in the middle, back-to-back with Kazufox, as they both block oncoming attacks.

Kazufox: I wont let you down!

Xaber catches Skysurfer’s rod as he tries to pull it back, using the momentum to flip over and slash down Kazufox’s back. As Kazufox falls, Farley lunges, stabbing Skysurfer once again in the stomach. Xaber takes the opportunity to leap over Farley, slashing low at his legs, but he jumps and the blade passes through Kazufox’s left foot. Farley chops at Xaber, who deflects the blow only to get jabbed fiercely by Skysurfer. Farley’s momentum carries his blade into the support cable, slicing it cleanly. As the four tumble to the ground, a green skinned lizard in a manager’s uniform and a lieutenant’s helmet.

Caiman: What have you done to my store!? That’s it. I’m blowing this place, and claiming insurance!

Caiman reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, highly volatile explosive. As he goes to press the detonator, Xaber draws her pistol and shoots Caiman in the hand. He drops the device, and as it hits the ground, it explodes. However, at the same time, the scene has begun to phase out again, negating the nuclear blast. The field restores itself as a pirate ship, crippled by an attack from competing pirates. The ship is on fire in several areas, and the combatants are stuck on the deck as a fierce storm descends on the battered vessel. A wave washes over the side, knocking the four to the deck, and causing the last lantern to shatter, spilling burning oil all over the door to below decks. Lighting strikes the main mast, sending it crashing to the deck, splitting a hole straight through to the hold.  Another waves rolls over the ship, causing the four to tumble down the gaping wound in the ship, trapping them with no way out.

Xaber: Yipes! It’s dark down here!

Farley: It matters not. We must end this.

Skysurfer: I concur. The sooner this ends the better.

Kazufox: Then we are agreed.

Xaber: Am I the only one concerned about loosing my life?

Others: Yes.

Xaber: Then, I shall do everything to prevent it.

Xaber picks up here cutlass from where it fell, and lunged towards the others. As Skysurfer moves to intercept, Kazufox kicks him into a barrel, causing it to spill grog all over the place. The grog ignites, and the four realize that the hold is filled with barrels of gunpowder.

Xaber: (I must finish them before this place explodes.)

Farley leaps over Kazufox, stabbing downward. However, Kazufox rolls to the side throwing a shuriken into Farley’s side. Xaber spins a cannon towards the other three, and fires it. The cannonball hits Skysurfer in the back, sending him sprawling. Xaber picks up another cannonball to load, then does a double take.

Xaber: (Oh shoot. These things are hollow. Which means they’re filled with—)

The cannonball that hit Skysurfer explodes, setting off the nearby barrels of gunpowder. The ship is torn in two and begins to sink. As hope seems to fade, the four pass out and slip under the waves.

Xaber: Ugh… What happened? I remember an explosion and then trying to get out of the water…

As Xaber’s eyes come into focus, she looks around the room. She recognizes it as the Starwing A&E. As she looks around, she sees that Skysurfer is in the bed opposite her, with Farley on his left. As she weakly turned to her right, she sees Kazufox, and realizes that the three of them are horribly burned. As she opens her mouth to speak, a pair of twin nurses came in.

Tina: The doctor will be in to see you shortly.

Lisa: All of you will be getting sponge baths shortly.

The two nurses walk out.

Farley: I can’t believe we just tried to kill each other for restaurants. I’m quitting when this is over.

Skysurfer: I agree. Why should I work for the mafia? I have no reason to, and I hate that accent.

Kazufox: I found something more interesting than working for Ninja Burger, though the manager said I’d learned everything there was to know.

Xaber: Hmm… Why don’t we start our own restaurant?

Farley: How would we get customers to come?

Xaber: We could offer free life insurance with every meal.

Just then, a handsome male Akita Inu, walks in, and turns towards Xaber.

Akita Inu: My name is Aki. I will be taking care of you while you are here.

Before he can help Xaber out of the bed, a large female nurse comes in.

Olga: Which of you pups wants a sponge bath?

The three guys all point to Xaber.

Olga: Tsk. You’ll all be getting one.

She hauls the three of them out of their beds, and starts pushing them towards the door.

----
Later
----

The four are back in their beds. The three guys are eating hospital food, while Xaber was brought prime rib by Aki. Beside her pillow is a bouquet of roses, left by an unknown admirer.

Xaber: That wasn’t too bad, was it?

The other three are glancing around nervously, whimpering in terror.

Xaber: After we get out of here, I’ll treat you guys. I have a good idea for our own restaurant…

 

Coffee-rights and continuity check!

Coffee-rights are Recamen and Kerigis.

All characters, vehicles and such are their respective owners.

Ninja Burger, Samurai Burger, Pirate Pizza and La Famiglia Burger are Ninja Burger.

Continuity disclaimer, this takes place after Xaber's 3rd interview, Farley's 2nd and Kazufox's 6th.

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